Why doesn't Hollywood sue any longer?

Last night The Uptown Theatre's midnight movie was Return to Oz. A classic. I was invited by the Robison brothers because they for some reason remembered my affinity for this movie.

Watching it again was like taking a magical glimpse back into my childhood. Dark spiraling staircases that resembled my childhood double-basement (Mom, this is how I always envisioned those stairs - creepily!), my suspicion that touching sand would lead to my destruction, gently and thoughtfully tracing shapes, my intense fear of electricity, and of course my hatred for hens and the name "Billina." Yes, these "quirks" are now beginning to resemble sense, it turns out that Return to Oz is to blame for every single one!

We found two things alarming:

1) The ridiculous usage of Deus Ex Machina.

The stone king is destroyed by a chicken's egg!?!?!?!!?!!????

2) The uncanny resemblance of spindly Jack to Jack from Nightmare before Christmas.

I looked into this - the two movies were made by two different production companies, so there is no rhyme or reason to this blatant copyright infringement. Someone should sue.

However, I am willing to secede on this point. Will rained on Ben and my parade this afternoon when he reminded us that all halloween/pumpkin related characters named Jack are rip offs of Jack the Ripper.

So wait, whose getting sued now?

Will, the little party pooper, also said that the chicken's egg being poison to stone was preluded to throughout the movie. I'm sorry, but continually repeating that chickens are not allowed in Oz does not make the premise any less ridiculous. Ben said it best:

"They at least could've picked something that actually destroys rock - like paper."



Anyway, I need to quickly get to the point.

Let's look at the character Sully from Monsters, Inc. Big blue monster with horns that lives in a land of monsters where closet doors across the world are all presented adjacent to each other in the Monsters, Incorporated warehouse - thus making it convenient to go from one house to the next in a matter of moments (I don't recall this being a plot point, but it's true nonetheless). A child wanders into the monster world, and all of a sudden - havoc is wreaked. Sully is voiced by comedian John Goodman.

First of all, how dare you John Goodman trample on the legacy that was already started 12 years earlier by Howie Mandel?? Howie started the blue, double-horned monster craze, and he did it with the help of FRED SAVAGE.

This movie also had many doors, these doors led to the underbellies of beds all over the world! Fred's character Brian even entered into the monster world to wreak his own kind of havoc (if he doesn't run to the west coast before the sun rises, him and his friends will all be destroyed!!)

Much like Sully and Boo, Brian and Maurice became the best of friends! And they did it way better. Maurice even managed to pee in the school bully's apple juice container! Yes!! Take that, Ronnie!

I admittedly have not made my case as soundly as I had hoped I would, but let me assure you of two things:

1) Monsters, Inc. is a total rip-off of Little Monsters

2) Little Monsters is far far far superior.

Forget suing, we haven't had any real life celebrity deathmatches in awhile, right? Howie Mandel should have John Goodman on his new reality tv show, Deal or no Deal, and they should duke it out on that little stage. While we're at it, 29 year old Fred Savage could duke it out with 10 year old Mary Gibbs (voice of Boo):



This post has spiraled downward. And for this I am ashamed.